bored. tired. drained. confused. lost.

often i find myself caught in a situation in which i have no way out. either way, i lose out. i know that in life, you cannot always have the best of worlds, you don't always win and you don't always have things your way. ok, fine. accepted. but when you try so hard to get it fix but still nothing goes right for you, you can't help but start to question, what the hell am i doing. yah like seriously, WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING. or rather, where's my purpose.

i've lost MY purpose.

i don't know what i want anymore.

i want so many things, i want to do so many things, i want to have so many things but i can't. its getting on my nerves. i hate it. and thats not it, not only i can't have them, i have to let some go.

the words, 'what are you doing all these for?' rings in my head every now and then. its scary even when i think of it, because i always have a different answer for it. and it just scares the shit out of me and makes me want to run far far away and hide in a little hole down there. yah, i'm that humji.

but no, i refuse to let everyone else see that side of me. so *ta-dah* you are more often than not greeted by the always 'happy' girl, qianyi. its just, sad huh.

but its ok, i fall down and i stand up fast. fast enough so that no one knows i fell, fast enough to save me from embarassment. but the pain persists and recovers slow because i refuse to have anyone know about my injuries. i'm stubborn, i know.

thats me for you. take it or leave it.

looking back, i really miss those days back in school. i miss wearing my uniform, miss lining up for assembly, miss the thrill of skipping classes, miss getting into trouble, miss cutting queue in the canteen, and everything else. rahh.

anyway, on a very much lighter note, its a public holiday ah.
SELAMAT HARI RAYA HAJI everyone and to my dearest kor, HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY MR FUNNY LIEW.

i'm still coughing and having a bad sore throat with a rather awful voice. what the hell is wrong with me. let me recover la.

you're right, i'm still stuck on you. but lets just leave it as that.